Do you have a prayer request?
I am learning to use my triggers as prayer opportunities. It is beautiful how Jesus meets us in the middle of our pain. When I experience the grief-triggers and run to Him like a little kid, He consistently comforts and reminds me that He is here.
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast". Ps.139.7-10
I am consistently amazed at how a decent day can turn into a "bad" day in less than a minute based on a thought, picture, or memory of Ricky. I am learning what to do with those triggers. Sometimes I just sit there and cry because it just hurts. Other times I swallow it and keep on keeping on because one of the kids is about to get into a fist fight or because my 2 year old is putting on eye liner. At that point I laugh because it's easier to laugh than cry. One thing I can guarantee is I will be praying, talking to Jesus in the middle of my pain listening to what He has to say.
When I was 9 our family went through a very sad unfortunate lawn-mower accident, it was the first time I had seen an ambulance up close. It was scary, loud and well, urgent. There was unknown in the air, a sense of falling apart, uncertain of the future. I remember gathering my siblings around, I was shaking like a leaf but we started praying as hard as we could. The family member sustained serious injuries and spent many months recovering. That memory made a huge impact of how I saw ambulances. Twenty years later I still pray when I see one with the lights and sirens on. I allow the flashbacks of horror and disbelief to help me remember how to pray for people involved in the emergency that is passing me by. Praying that they would call to Jesus for help, praying that He would reveal Himself to them.I pray for His real comfort, I pray for healing, I pray for the families that the emergency affects. It is comforting to know Jesus sees them in the middle of they're story and is ready to be with them. How cool is that? We get to bring these awful circumstances to Jesus and lay them at his feet, knowing He promises to be there.
Tonight I realized again how I could use my pain to bring others to Him. I hate driving by the hospital Ricky passed away in. I hate it more than I can describe, I think of the moments of uncertainty leading up to his passing. The ridiculous things he said, he actually called me one day when he was there to let me know I shouldn't worry because one of the rules of the hospital was "no personal escorts allowed"...just in case I was concerned....I remember taking him there when he couldn't catch his breath, or for simple things like bloodwork and doctor visits. More than anything though, I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of driving away that last time without him, knowing I couldn't go back and bring him home. It is pure torture. Needless to say I avoid it. Tonight I drove by because it's a short-cut to home. When you have a van full of stinky crabby children you always choose shorter drive time right? As I drove by I tried to look the other way, to pretend like it didn't stir emotion, but it did, it tore at me. I drove by the stupid emergency room that I've visited one to many times and I saw a man running from his car to the entrance. I remembered all those feelings I had from times I had taken Ricky there, feeling uncertain, scared, nervous. So I started praying for that man. Praying for him to be comforted by Jesus, praying that he knows Jesus, praying for whoever he was going to see. Who knows, maybe he was just there for the free coffee...doubtful, so I kept praying. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to go park in the lot and just pray for people from my car (hopefully not in a creepy way) now that I think about it, it is a pretty creepy thing to do, but I don't care because I know what it feels like. If I did it now I would probably alert security with my vats of tears and secure my place in the mental ward, I will keep my distance for now. Oh but it feels so good to know we can bring ourselves, along with others to the feet of Jesus and ask for Him to be with us in the middle of this journey.
If you have a prayer request I would love to hear it, I will pray for you.
" I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness to light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things i will do, Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Is. 42.16
Oh. Thats some good stuff.
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast". Ps.139.7-10
I am consistently amazed at how a decent day can turn into a "bad" day in less than a minute based on a thought, picture, or memory of Ricky. I am learning what to do with those triggers. Sometimes I just sit there and cry because it just hurts. Other times I swallow it and keep on keeping on because one of the kids is about to get into a fist fight or because my 2 year old is putting on eye liner. At that point I laugh because it's easier to laugh than cry. One thing I can guarantee is I will be praying, talking to Jesus in the middle of my pain listening to what He has to say.
When I was 9 our family went through a very sad unfortunate lawn-mower accident, it was the first time I had seen an ambulance up close. It was scary, loud and well, urgent. There was unknown in the air, a sense of falling apart, uncertain of the future. I remember gathering my siblings around, I was shaking like a leaf but we started praying as hard as we could. The family member sustained serious injuries and spent many months recovering. That memory made a huge impact of how I saw ambulances. Twenty years later I still pray when I see one with the lights and sirens on. I allow the flashbacks of horror and disbelief to help me remember how to pray for people involved in the emergency that is passing me by. Praying that they would call to Jesus for help, praying that He would reveal Himself to them.I pray for His real comfort, I pray for healing, I pray for the families that the emergency affects. It is comforting to know Jesus sees them in the middle of they're story and is ready to be with them. How cool is that? We get to bring these awful circumstances to Jesus and lay them at his feet, knowing He promises to be there.
Tonight I realized again how I could use my pain to bring others to Him. I hate driving by the hospital Ricky passed away in. I hate it more than I can describe, I think of the moments of uncertainty leading up to his passing. The ridiculous things he said, he actually called me one day when he was there to let me know I shouldn't worry because one of the rules of the hospital was "no personal escorts allowed"...just in case I was concerned....I remember taking him there when he couldn't catch his breath, or for simple things like bloodwork and doctor visits. More than anything though, I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of driving away that last time without him, knowing I couldn't go back and bring him home. It is pure torture. Needless to say I avoid it. Tonight I drove by because it's a short-cut to home. When you have a van full of stinky crabby children you always choose shorter drive time right? As I drove by I tried to look the other way, to pretend like it didn't stir emotion, but it did, it tore at me. I drove by the stupid emergency room that I've visited one to many times and I saw a man running from his car to the entrance. I remembered all those feelings I had from times I had taken Ricky there, feeling uncertain, scared, nervous. So I started praying for that man. Praying for him to be comforted by Jesus, praying that he knows Jesus, praying for whoever he was going to see. Who knows, maybe he was just there for the free coffee...doubtful, so I kept praying. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to go park in the lot and just pray for people from my car (hopefully not in a creepy way) now that I think about it, it is a pretty creepy thing to do, but I don't care because I know what it feels like. If I did it now I would probably alert security with my vats of tears and secure my place in the mental ward, I will keep my distance for now. Oh but it feels so good to know we can bring ourselves, along with others to the feet of Jesus and ask for Him to be with us in the middle of this journey.
If you have a prayer request I would love to hear it, I will pray for you.
" I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness to light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things i will do, Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Is. 42.16
Oh. Thats some good stuff.
