Almost 12 years Baby
Today marks what would have been our 12 year wedding anniversary. I never would have imagined this is how it would look. Me here on earth, and you in heaven. Yesterday I ordered your headstone. It felt so wrong to be writing a check to pay for it instead of the 12 year wedding anniversary trip we had planned. We were supposed to grow old together. We were never able to travel when we turned 40 like we talked about. You will never walk our daughter down the aisle, you will never fix up old cars with our boys. My heart is broken. You are missed. Last night I had a dream of you in heaven. It was the first I had of you there (maybe it was from Jesus or maybe it was the wine I drank) you were SO happy, the look of peace and joy on your face was indescribable.
When I was at your calling hours a women I know through church came up to me, she said I've been looking at the video of Ricky's life. It looks like you guys had such a fairy-tale. I looked at her with bewilderment. (You know our life was a far cry from magical.) She followed it with, I mean it looks like he really loved you and treated you well; it is beautiful. Oh yes, yes you did. You put my needs in front of yours everyday. You took my honey-do list and made sure it was completed before you watched football with the boys. When I wanted to go on vacation, you made it happen. When I said let's adopt, you made that happen too. You fought and clawed your way through sickness and in health to be my hero.That is what you are, you were my sun, my favorite, my morning cup of coffee and my late night omelet-making extrordinare. You made me laugh. I miss that the most, your ridiculous sense of humor. I am so lost without you.
You loved Jesus the most and let that trickle down to me and our kids. I am doing my best to continue what you started. We are on a journey that we wouldn't have chosen, but one we choose to accept. One that is pain-filled, yet Jesus filled. A life-long season of missing you and clinging to Jesus as our strength. We are ok because we believe in the hope of heaven. Your life did not end, it has just begun. You are in Heaven where every tear will be wiped away, where there is no pain and suffering. I am so happy for you my sweet love, you get to run 8 minute miles again, you aren't in pain, you aren't coughing. You are in the presence of Jesus. Heaven has always been exciting to me, but now the thought of it is breath-taking, it seems more vivid, I look forward to it more now.
I am so thankful for our time together. You made me a much better person. I love and miss you to pieces.
Wifey
When I was at your calling hours a women I know through church came up to me, she said I've been looking at the video of Ricky's life. It looks like you guys had such a fairy-tale. I looked at her with bewilderment. (You know our life was a far cry from magical.) She followed it with, I mean it looks like he really loved you and treated you well; it is beautiful. Oh yes, yes you did. You put my needs in front of yours everyday. You took my honey-do list and made sure it was completed before you watched football with the boys. When I wanted to go on vacation, you made it happen. When I said let's adopt, you made that happen too. You fought and clawed your way through sickness and in health to be my hero.That is what you are, you were my sun, my favorite, my morning cup of coffee and my late night omelet-making extrordinare. You made me laugh. I miss that the most, your ridiculous sense of humor. I am so lost without you.
You loved Jesus the most and let that trickle down to me and our kids. I am doing my best to continue what you started. We are on a journey that we wouldn't have chosen, but one we choose to accept. One that is pain-filled, yet Jesus filled. A life-long season of missing you and clinging to Jesus as our strength. We are ok because we believe in the hope of heaven. Your life did not end, it has just begun. You are in Heaven where every tear will be wiped away, where there is no pain and suffering. I am so happy for you my sweet love, you get to run 8 minute miles again, you aren't in pain, you aren't coughing. You are in the presence of Jesus. Heaven has always been exciting to me, but now the thought of it is breath-taking, it seems more vivid, I look forward to it more now.
I am so thankful for our time together. You made me a much better person. I love and miss you to pieces.
Wifey
