Jesus provides.
While vacationing several months ago, we visited our extended families church. I was excited to go, I had heard amazing things about this church. The worship was beautiful, crazy and fun. As it ended we settled in, a video played talking about what baptism meant and to let people know that there was an upcoming baptism. Grief hit me hard between the eyes. I flashed back to last summer when Tony asked to be baptized, Ricky and I agreed he should wait a year to better understand what he was doing. He continued to ask throughout the year, explaining that he knew what baptism meant. It was a way to show others that he had chosen to follow Jesus, that it was an act of obedience to what Jesus said to do. He was adamant that he wanted Ricky to baptize him. I told him the next time our church offered a baptism we would be apart of it. Seeing the video made me sick with sadness, I knew because we put it off, Ricky would not be the one baptizing Tony. I prayed I cried out to God, asking for a good fit, somebody who could do what Ricky would have done. Jesus promises to be a Father to the fatherless, but what about in times like these?
About a month ago our church offered the Splash Bash, super fun, right? A baptism that caters to kids and celebrating they're decision to follow Jesus. Right away T reminded me, mom, you said I get to be apart of this! But who is going to baptize me? (At our church the pastors are happy to do it or allow you to choose a spiritual mentor or parent to do so.) I said I can baptize you or Miss Christy (kiddos pastor) or Joel or... "JOEL I want JOEL" he screamed enthusiastically.
I asked Joel who was happy to do so. He attended the pre-baptism class with Tony and I and was so supportive. Leading up to the day I was emotional. This was supposed to be something Ricky and I did together, to teach our children to follow what Jesus says and act that out. It made the fact that he isn't here so much more obvious. As the day came I had such peace knowing that Ricky might be seeing what was going on. It was beautiful to watch Tony and see how proud he was to finally get baptized.
Joel and Ricky were quite close, he has been incredibly sweet to the boys and continually reminds them of what an amazing dad they had, how good God is and that Pokemon pretty much is the best thing ever.
As the day ended I couldn't help but reflect on God's goodness and provision. I had been worried about how Tony would be with Ricky gone, so sad for my favorite person not to share this experience; but the day was oh-so rich with wonderful people surrounding us, supporting us, and cheering Tony on. I realized as I continue to bring my needs to God he IS faithful, He IS with us in the valley, He will never leave us or forsake us. There is such peace in this. His heart is bigger than our pain.
God has met so many of our practical needs through His people. Mentors for our boys, men that Ricky respected who now go out of their way to hang out with the boys. Caring, helpful neighbors who bring me flowers, babysitting, wine and even late-night funnel cakes. A financial adviser I know through church has come alongside me to help make good long-term plans for our family's future. My parents (who lets be honest, are kind of rockstars) literally drop whatever they are doing when I call and need help. A dear friend who owns an autoshop has offered to change the oil or fix my van when it breaks down. Ricky's brother bought an old car and is letting the boys learn with him how to fix it. There are sweet texts, cards and lattes that others drop off, reminding us of God's faithfulness. Just tonight someone dropped off this present for Westin.
About a month ago our church offered the Splash Bash, super fun, right? A baptism that caters to kids and celebrating they're decision to follow Jesus. Right away T reminded me, mom, you said I get to be apart of this! But who is going to baptize me? (At our church the pastors are happy to do it or allow you to choose a spiritual mentor or parent to do so.) I said I can baptize you or Miss Christy (kiddos pastor) or Joel or... "JOEL I want JOEL" he screamed enthusiastically.
I asked Joel who was happy to do so. He attended the pre-baptism class with Tony and I and was so supportive. Leading up to the day I was emotional. This was supposed to be something Ricky and I did together, to teach our children to follow what Jesus says and act that out. It made the fact that he isn't here so much more obvious. As the day came I had such peace knowing that Ricky might be seeing what was going on. It was beautiful to watch Tony and see how proud he was to finally get baptized.
Joel and Ricky were quite close, he has been incredibly sweet to the boys and continually reminds them of what an amazing dad they had, how good God is and that Pokemon pretty much is the best thing ever.
As the day ended I couldn't help but reflect on God's goodness and provision. I had been worried about how Tony would be with Ricky gone, so sad for my favorite person not to share this experience; but the day was oh-so rich with wonderful people surrounding us, supporting us, and cheering Tony on. I realized as I continue to bring my needs to God he IS faithful, He IS with us in the valley, He will never leave us or forsake us. There is such peace in this. His heart is bigger than our pain.
God has met so many of our practical needs through His people. Mentors for our boys, men that Ricky respected who now go out of their way to hang out with the boys. Caring, helpful neighbors who bring me flowers, babysitting, wine and even late-night funnel cakes. A financial adviser I know through church has come alongside me to help make good long-term plans for our family's future. My parents (who lets be honest, are kind of rockstars) literally drop whatever they are doing when I call and need help. A dear friend who owns an autoshop has offered to change the oil or fix my van when it breaks down. Ricky's brother bought an old car and is letting the boys learn with him how to fix it. There are sweet texts, cards and lattes that others drop off, reminding us of God's faithfulness. Just tonight someone dropped off this present for Westin.
This kid loves dragons, there was no note or card, just his name on the gift bag. He is having a hard time figuring out how to live without his dad, the present was such a bright spot and softened his heart. He often prefers not to pray when I tuck him in, but tonight he prayed "thank you Jesus for the amazing person who brought me a dragon with wire-moveable wings and that you love us". It was moving to see his heart change.
In our pain and sadness we get a front-row seat to the supernatural as we rely on God for each breath and to meet all the practical needs. We are so thankful. As we cling to Jesus and we rely on Him he continues to provide. As Christians Jesus asks us to look around and meet practical needs, so that HE might be glorified. I am so thankful for the people around us who choose to look for our needs. I am loving the psalms, they are a continual reminder of Jesus being with us, desperate times or not, he is faithful.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all. The Lord redeems the life of his servants none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned." Ps. 34
Also this. Oh it's so good, so basic, last year I would have looked at this and been like yeah, so it's the Lord's prayer, it's great..but now, I cling to these words that he promises.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" Ps.23
